11th – 12th February, 2016
On the 11th at 6:12 p.m., for only the second time in my entire life, I was admitted to hospital….I was in accident and emergency for a little over an hour before being taken to my hospital room. At this point, I was still optimistic (or in complete denial) in my thinking, the back pain and muscle weakness were associated with the Chikungunya virus and the dehydration with the vomiting. No big deal, I would be home in 5 days at the most.
During the night, it was impossible to find a comfortable position to lay in, my hands and legs were numb and cold yet on fire and my back pain became even more intense – I had never experienced that intensity of physical pain. It felt as though something was squeezing my chest and stomach making it difficult to breathe. The vomiting continued despite the fact that I had not been able to eat or drink anything in 5 days. I was completely exhausted, I vaguely remember my sister asking me questions while she completed my paper work and I woke her frequently during the course of the night to help me shift my position in the hopes of getting comfortable enough to rest.
On the morning of the 12th I was seen by an internal medicine specialist, I actually have no memory of that visit but I’m told that following his examination he advised that a neurologist will be in to consult on my case. I don’t know if it was the pain and discomfort or the absolute exhaustion but that day is mostly a blur…I do recall the neurologist visiting and completing his examination, I remember not being able to squeeze his hands, that I did not have knee reflexes and that I was not able to wriggle my toes. I remember the uncertainty I felt when he spoke in hushed tones just outside the door and I definitely remember the complete dread I felt when he said that he suspects that I have Guillain-Barré Syndrome (GBS) and that I will need a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) to confirm the diagnosis. I asked the neurologist if the spinal tap would not be too risky given the amount of back pain that I was in – at that point I was more concerned about someone messing with my spinal cord that what GBS was (classic example of irony) – but when he started to explain GBS my heart pounded, tears flowed, time accelerated and the potential risk associated with a spinal tap became completely irrelevant. I felt as though I was having an out-of-body experience…I heard phrases like paralysis, water test, difficulty breathing, ventilator and medical intensive care unit (MICU). I remember a nurse helping me to sit up and placing a glass of water to my lips, I attempted to take a sip, started choking and then nothing….
Day 8 with GBS, the last day that I have a distinct memory of and the last day that I would move my body for many days….
*** fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses toward growth***
